I have moved - for a multitude of reasons

After a somewhat long silence - I have moved to Peek.Fotos. which is a photo blog I now keep - given the stress and my inability to fully articulate or reproduce words of any value that fully expressed what I need to say. Let it be a back room work for now. For now it's easier if you trail me on my photo blog. Thank you and here's wishing you all the best for the coming year. Loads of love as always. 

The Big 30

Here's a perhaps scary thought that just popped into my head: am turning 30, yes that big 3-0 in about 3 months and until then will be stuck in this dry godforsaken place called Sudan. Help definitely needed during this transition period.

I have lived now for almost 30 years, some good, some hilarious and others terribly embarrassing and utterly pointless. No point wondering what I've achieved in the last 29ish years and so my plan for after I hit 30 is as follows (in no certain time frame thus giving me hopefully the next 30 years to accomplish them - or not).

Sleep less so I have more hours to fulfill life's greatest desires. Eat less so I don't pack a paunch by the time I hit 31. Eat more so I am not underweight. Hopefully exercise and this shall include dancing more on weekends. That said, drink more wine - it's good for the soul. Sit down and write more. Leave Africa for greener pastures literally. Remain true and kind always. Live more resourcefully, meaning I don't need THAT many flower hairpins and shoes. Stay in love and get married to the one man I love and love him in the best way I know how. Cherish the idea of possibly opening my womb for procreation. In line with that, be nice to children. Forget about THE pet I never had. Stop wasting time on meaningless work which includes endless report writing. Find a job/profession that I will TRULY love. Read aloud more. Appreciate chocolates. Continue eating rocket salad like a rabbit. Stay in touch with distant love ones. Continue to apply anti-wrinkle cream so I can look 25 when I hit 45.

There you have it - a small but possibly achievable plan as soon as I hit the magic number. It's going to be fan-fucking-tastic when I get there. I'm not worried about being 30 but I want to get there in style. But until December, I just got to get through the 3 months in Sudan. Period.

Ponte Vecchio, Firenze

Strolling along in Firenze, we found this.

Padlocks (or Love Locks) on the Ponte Vecchio in Firenze was (supposedly) considered a customary act by sweethearts to symbolize their everlasting love to each other. We didn't have a lock while there but I hope we still believe in everlasting romantic love (or so I like to think).

Just be careful not to incur a hefty fine while pursuing this.

Love ain't easy. Every so often, even Cupid needs a cigarette break as this one did.

This little one with words

This little one wants to offer you words
Words strung together like a candy necklace
That you can hang and wear and chew
With shaken hands, this little one will present it to you

I like words this little one whispered
Like an ancient secret to be kept close
How do you mean, little one
Words are free, silly
Costs nothing yet it means everything, this little one reminded you

Like I love you, the little one said

Or you're beautiful
You say it and it takes nothing but means everything
Just don’t wait till it’s too late
An earnest smile, this little one winked

Today I fell in love...

Bits and pieces always makes a big whole. That's what I think. Like small pieces of puzzle forming a full picture. Like butter, eggs and flour into a freshly baked cake. All coming together and filling the pockets of your senses.

So tonight, I decide to write a note on how I fell in love with the smallest things in my daily life that I too often take for granted and realising that those little things are the very essence that fits into my life and here's why. 

Today I fell in love with mornings and breakfast. I am no morning person, waking up is almost a chore. But the last two days, I've woken up feeling fine and heading out for breakfast. Ok going to breakfast venue isn't so near, about a10-15 minute taxi ride. Like today, I got there with an old friend and sat there drinking coffee, finishing up my eggs, potatoes and sausages and drinking coffee and mango juice. My friend sat there eating a muffin, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette. We talked and we discussed and we laughed and smiled about good days. Nothing, not even the haboob, was going to mess with it. I fell in love with this morning specifically. That was just the start.

Then off to the next stop for brunch. Downtown to a place called Babacosta. Sitting outdoors with a nice friendly crew, all unique and funny. Cold lemon mint juice coupled with pizza slices and chicken pitta and laughter is what a good brunch is all about. Oh yeah plus some Arabic rap and hip hop and two funny things - smearing your hair with Pepsi makes it shiny and gel-like (I did ask if it works with Diet Pepsi too) and counting sugar particles when you're bored will be a new trend. So yes, again I fell in love with the beauty of brunch with friends.

When you have two other ladies to spend time with primping and pruning your nails and toes, then you're in luck. Like me. A happy lady (and gentleman) would find real joy and satisfaction in having your nails and feet done. Particularly in the company of two lovely friends. In anticipation of my upcoming European summer vacation, I picked the brightest pink. The finishing touch was a flower henna on my both palms.The icing on the cake is three girls waiting for their henna to dry and trying to dig in their bags for a cigarette - with much effort and spastic finger movements, we managed and sat in the backyard having a puff. Add a dash of gossip and giggly talk and you're set for a good feeling evening. That said, I fell in love with my nails and the simplicity of pampering oneself in the midst of madness of everyday life (the company of cool folks also added extra flavouring).

Then what did we do? Off to the Goethe Institute to catch an exposition. Out in the open air, drums beating, funny jokes and me being me in my freshly painted nails topped with my bright pink flower on my top makes a big difference to an otherwise regular evening. My own favourite line was "Sweety, do I look stress to you with this pink nails and flower?" Met familiar faces and new ones and dishing out "I Heart Kadugli" stickers with a proud smile left me with a satisfying evening. I spoke of where I've been with a tinge of sadness but also pride in what it has given me as person and of hopes to return someday soon. It's no more a secret that  I love Kadugli (and I've got the stash, if you know what I mean).

To top the evening, after a simple, funny ride home was the man I am in love with. Every evening or night, we skype ourselves silly. Some days aren't always easy but most days are filled with silly liners and discussing the distances of the sun and the black hole or the milky way or recalling the days when we stumbled home in Istanbul or sharing music. I shared Margaret Whiting last night. It's a good feeling to go to bed with these thoughts in your head and heart. I admit love isn't easy, and so is living apart. But one needs to decide to be in it and do your utmost to make it work - simple. And so I decide today that's what it is and that's what it'll be. Relationships are hard work but I want it today and tomorrow and many more days to come. So tonight as I close this down and finished my drink, I say I once again fell in love with this man just as I did when we drank wine under the stars in the Seychelles. It's super cheesy but hey that's just the way it happened.    

See the beauty of the little bits and pieces. 

Constant Moving

Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart - Haruki Murakami

I've been taken out of Southern Kordofan where I am based and awaiting further decisions. There's too much uncertainty and most days I feel unsettled and out of place in this Khartoum space.

With my house possibly looted and burnt, I no longer have my room in Kadugli - a space I have filled with pockets of comfort such as my animal -designed torches, my new guitar and various pieces of items I picked and collected along the way. There's even little white pebbles on the window sill that I took on one of my first field trip. Yes, I have lost a number of items out there. Now 'internally displaced', I live out of one suitcase. Doing so have taught me the simplicity of what I have or do not have.

Moving around for the last (almost) five years has taught me what to leave behind and what to let go. It is never easy. And it's letting go of not tangible items but people and faces and memories and feelings that comes along with it.

I'm certain I've now developed a certain distaste for moving on. There are days it leaves me teary-eyed and emotionally wrecked. I should learned to be less attached to the environment around me. To move on and not to look back. To leave the days and memories of what was where they belonged.  

Lucky

Jason Mraz and Colbie Vaillat - Lucky

I am a late discoverer of Jason Mraz. I have listened to him before but never quite took notice or cared much. Then I came across this song when a friend back home was shared this song on his wedding day (a homemade video no less) and which I thought was very touching and simply beautiful.