Today I fell in love...

Bits and pieces always makes a big whole. That's what I think. Like small pieces of puzzle forming a full picture. Like butter, eggs and flour into a freshly baked cake. All coming together and filling the pockets of your senses.

So tonight, I decide to write a note on how I fell in love with the smallest things in my daily life that I too often take for granted and realising that those little things are the very essence that fits into my life and here's why. 

Today I fell in love with mornings and breakfast. I am no morning person, waking up is almost a chore. But the last two days, I've woken up feeling fine and heading out for breakfast. Ok going to breakfast venue isn't so near, about a10-15 minute taxi ride. Like today, I got there with an old friend and sat there drinking coffee, finishing up my eggs, potatoes and sausages and drinking coffee and mango juice. My friend sat there eating a muffin, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette. We talked and we discussed and we laughed and smiled about good days. Nothing, not even the haboob, was going to mess with it. I fell in love with this morning specifically. That was just the start.

Then off to the next stop for brunch. Downtown to a place called Babacosta. Sitting outdoors with a nice friendly crew, all unique and funny. Cold lemon mint juice coupled with pizza slices and chicken pitta and laughter is what a good brunch is all about. Oh yeah plus some Arabic rap and hip hop and two funny things - smearing your hair with Pepsi makes it shiny and gel-like (I did ask if it works with Diet Pepsi too) and counting sugar particles when you're bored will be a new trend. So yes, again I fell in love with the beauty of brunch with friends.

When you have two other ladies to spend time with primping and pruning your nails and toes, then you're in luck. Like me. A happy lady (and gentleman) would find real joy and satisfaction in having your nails and feet done. Particularly in the company of two lovely friends. In anticipation of my upcoming European summer vacation, I picked the brightest pink. The finishing touch was a flower henna on my both palms.The icing on the cake is three girls waiting for their henna to dry and trying to dig in their bags for a cigarette - with much effort and spastic finger movements, we managed and sat in the backyard having a puff. Add a dash of gossip and giggly talk and you're set for a good feeling evening. That said, I fell in love with my nails and the simplicity of pampering oneself in the midst of madness of everyday life (the company of cool folks also added extra flavouring).

Then what did we do? Off to the Goethe Institute to catch an exposition. Out in the open air, drums beating, funny jokes and me being me in my freshly painted nails topped with my bright pink flower on my top makes a big difference to an otherwise regular evening. My own favourite line was "Sweety, do I look stress to you with this pink nails and flower?" Met familiar faces and new ones and dishing out "I Heart Kadugli" stickers with a proud smile left me with a satisfying evening. I spoke of where I've been with a tinge of sadness but also pride in what it has given me as person and of hopes to return someday soon. It's no more a secret that  I love Kadugli (and I've got the stash, if you know what I mean).

To top the evening, after a simple, funny ride home was the man I am in love with. Every evening or night, we skype ourselves silly. Some days aren't always easy but most days are filled with silly liners and discussing the distances of the sun and the black hole or the milky way or recalling the days when we stumbled home in Istanbul or sharing music. I shared Margaret Whiting last night. It's a good feeling to go to bed with these thoughts in your head and heart. I admit love isn't easy, and so is living apart. But one needs to decide to be in it and do your utmost to make it work - simple. And so I decide today that's what it is and that's what it'll be. Relationships are hard work but I want it today and tomorrow and many more days to come. So tonight as I close this down and finished my drink, I say I once again fell in love with this man just as I did when we drank wine under the stars in the Seychelles. It's super cheesy but hey that's just the way it happened.    

See the beauty of the little bits and pieces. 

Constant Moving

Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart - Haruki Murakami

I've been taken out of Southern Kordofan where I am based and awaiting further decisions. There's too much uncertainty and most days I feel unsettled and out of place in this Khartoum space.

With my house possibly looted and burnt, I no longer have my room in Kadugli - a space I have filled with pockets of comfort such as my animal -designed torches, my new guitar and various pieces of items I picked and collected along the way. There's even little white pebbles on the window sill that I took on one of my first field trip. Yes, I have lost a number of items out there. Now 'internally displaced', I live out of one suitcase. Doing so have taught me the simplicity of what I have or do not have.

Moving around for the last (almost) five years has taught me what to leave behind and what to let go. It is never easy. And it's letting go of not tangible items but people and faces and memories and feelings that comes along with it.

I'm certain I've now developed a certain distaste for moving on. There are days it leaves me teary-eyed and emotionally wrecked. I should learned to be less attached to the environment around me. To move on and not to look back. To leave the days and memories of what was where they belonged.  

Welcome the newest nation - South Sudan

(This picture is taken by an awesome friend MD, currently based in Juba)

As South Sudan celebrates its long-awaited independence from the North, the conflict continues in Darfur and the Nuba Mountains. Congratulations and Happy Birthday South Sudan - I wish with all sincerity and goodness that you and your people deserved a better future, prosperity and happiness. 

The Nuba Mountains - Faces and Places

I miss being in Kadugli and continue to wonder what it's like right now. I miss the faces, the peoples and the days. Rumi writes,"Don't grieve.Anything you lose comes round in another form."

My thoughts and hearts are with the Nuba Mountains.

I left a piece of my heart here

I am sitting here in Khartoum in a small guesthouse smoking a light Bringi. My thoughts are somewhere else in a place I recently learnt to call a home - Kadugli. It wasn't a place I was born in or grew up with. I have no affiliation to the place and I don't understand it sometimes. Even if I have lived there for almost nine months. This posting is my own reflection and what it simply means to me.

Never a place has affected me like this, a place I never knew about until I set foot in October last year. I came to Kadugli on what I called a 'self-imposed exile'. Even that term is borrowed. From a friend back home. I knew nothing of this place or the intricacies of Southern Kordofan state. I swear. 

But I fell in love with it, in ways I don't know how and in spots I still don't comprehend. The landscape is nearly barren and the air sometimes dry, hot and dusty. Right now, I recalled my first steps out of the UN flight and wondering what in the blue world brought me there. Seriously, what the hell man? Broken-hearted and one went off to Kadugli, the middle of where again?

And yet, I grew to love the place. It just sort of glided. Nice and easy. Like a satisfaction when you found that obscure piece in the 1000 piece puzzle. I felt like I found my place.And in that time, my world seems bigger and more possible than I thought I knew. The faces I see in the souk, and the very human souls that made me a lot more human. People who are real and whose spirit speaks in a language that can only come from years of resilience, patience and kindness to others. And friends whose warmth, jokes and laughter I must be thankful for. I will be forever grateful for this place.

This place - Kadugli - is now in crisis. The very people I know or see on the streets, the tea ladies garbed in their brightest colours, the guys at Nadus or Amwaj asking me how everything is, the men in their white jellabiyahs on Fridays walking toward the mosque to pray, TCC's yellow house, Joe's rooftop, the hills saying 'Allahu Akbar' and much much more. So much more. Nothing could possibly describe the scenes on the street or the lives around me. The roads I walked on, people I greet 'Assalamua-alaikum' and whose generosity surpassed anything else. And just sadly this place is now being shredded into pieces. Like a note we tossed aside. 

It's easy to think of a conflict far far away, something that you never think could affect you. It's much much harder when it's so nearby and somewhere you have stepped foot on. It changes your life in ways you never thought it could. I still don't know why and how Kadugli affects me, or why I think about it pretty much all the time. What does the souk looked like now? How does it look like or will be like when it rains soon enough? Where are those people I see around the corner at the garage or that fat boy who would constantly ask me the same question every time I passed by - "where you from?"

I don't profess to know what it takes to make it all right or what humanity can do. I only know what's going on isn't right and that lives, just as important as yours or mine, are at stake. Lives. Hearts that beat, the same fear we all face, the same blood that bleed. Red. No different from yours or mine. It infuriates me thinking that my organisation and others sitting in their comfy offices who just DON'T GET the severity of the situation. I keep asking why oh why?

And yet I am helpless in this cause. It breaks my heart literally thinking about what's going on in Kadugli, the massacre, the lives and families being torn apart because one side of politics didn't fit into the puzzle. I know these lives aren't a puzzle  but to me, Kadugli is made of of these mosaic pieces fitting in together, all genuinely trying to fit into a coherent picture of humanness. Different shapes yes, different colours totally... but all fitting in, synchronized and harmonized. Picture perfection if one may say. 

I have slept many nights in the last few weeks with a heavy heart and tonight is no different. Tomorrow and the day after I go through my life easy. But a small, tiny part part of me has been taken away for reasons I can never understand and it will stay in Southern Kordofan. It will never be the same. Kadugli and me.

Tonight, I am remembering my first ever mission and thinking of the women in Al Dar, sitting in the open land they proudly call theirs and telling small stories about their lives. The multi-coloured scarfs fluttering under the bluest skies and that one boy with sores on his feet sitting right in front me. His eyes white forever etched in my memory. I remember his face so clearly now.

In Mad Times II

In my last post "In Mad Times", I wrote with hope that the Nuba Mountains might find some peace, well at least some sort of stability to keep its sons and daughters safe and sound. In the past three weeks, I have been combing through the daily news and would read anything and everything that mentioned 'Kadugli' and 'Southern Kordofan'. What I read doesn't make me feel any better.

Widespread atrocities are taking place again in Southern Kordofan - a state on the  edge of the North-South borders. This is more than the just the claim on border issues or oil. The Nubas and their rights are at the heart of this conflict. Just Muslims and Christians wanting to live and co-exist peacefully as they did before. Christians, Blacks, Muslims, the different tribes have live together for many years and repeatedly have been denied their basic social and economical rights. But now they are targets of the Khartoum's government. Too many reports and sources have indicated that the military forces are deliberately targeting Nubas or basically suspected of aligning with the opposition forces, the SPLM. And the blatant fact is that this horror has happened before in the 1990s and which was later formally brought to a close with the signing of the CPA in 2005.

I was there in May when state election results was released and while there was some sense of tension, what happened subsequently was perhaps beyond our immediate imagination. Kadugli has always been safe for me, and I've never come across anyone who's been there, passing through or lived there who felt threatened. Without wanting to sound wishy-washy, I've always thought there's an unspoken sense of charm and protection the Nuba Mountains bestow upon it guests.

So really what's really going out there?

There's certainly deliberate targeting of ethnic groups - the darker and blacker, the more at risk they are. Door-to-door round-up of Nubas have been reported and the air strip in Kauda (critical for transporting essential humanitarian aid) completely destructed leaving the region virtually cut off from relief supplies. Aid agencies offices have been looted and humanitarian aid presently limited on the ground. Further to that, the UN peacekeeping forces have been reportedly inefficient, ill-informed and in my honest opinion, is just reacting too slow and a tad too late. Some reports indicated summary executions right smack in front of the UN compound. How the UN can let that happened is beyond me.

I'm no expert on legal terms or how best to describe the violence and what all this means. But logic tells me this is not right and something ought to be done to stop the fighting. I'm not sure how one can help but I certainly think the situation in Southern Kordofan deserves more mention and coverage beyond a 30 second glimpse, somewhere tossed between Libya and Yemen and the rest. This is a conflict one hardly talks about and sometimes I asked with silent desperation for an answer or a solution if we are really letting this happen all under our watch. Are we?

What would it take for the world to sit up and take notice?

In Mad Times

Was watching the film "Blow" about the drug trafficker George Jung or "Boston George" - had a pretty quote by Johnny Depp there and it goes like this, "May the wind will always be on your back and the sun upon your face and may the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars."

Interestingly, there's also an Irish quote that says, "May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be always at your back, may the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rain fall soft upon your fields, and until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand."

And mine reads like this:
"In mad times today, put down your weapons, stop this drunkenness
Your madness is killing everything. Hush, quieten down. Let your body and soul rest
In hopes and prayers, let the madness stop."

Thats's for the Nuba Mountains today. 

Goodbyes in Kadugli

Yesterday, few friends and myself came around to say goodbye (again) to a friend who's leaving back home for Tehran. He spent about 3 months here. Perhaps a short time but it was still sad to see a friend leaving.

Tonight, we had dinner and said goodbye to another friend, who is returning to Mazar Al-Sharif after more than 4 years out here in Kadugli. It wasn't easy. He was my first friend out here and over the time I've been here, has been nothing less but exceptionally kind and warm. Certainly it made the goodbye a sad occasion not just for me but the many others around us as well.

Anyone working in the development world can attest to the fact that we all say goodbye to people we care about far too many times. No matter where and when, it's always hard. Especially when you live out in a small community with a handful of souls you count as dear friends. You can say it's part and parcel of the nature of what we do and where we are. Perhaps. But as I've written before, I have definitely developed a strong distaste for goodbyes. I don't know if one needs to make a ceremony of it. What I know is that goodbyes are never simple and never happy no matter what the future presumes to hold.

We say goodbye, wish each other luck and promised to stay in touch and many of us know that in the development industry, somehow, we may end up finding each other again. It's still a small world after all. But my point is, if we reflect on every goodbye we say, we know a part of our heart goes to the other. Those friends that you spent days at meetings with and nights laughing and merry making - they take a part of you away.

This time around, while it is sad, I feel a tinge of my heart hardening. I know I ought not to make a human tragedy about my friends leaving. They are all either leaving to be with their families or found something better. And in the next few weeks, more people will go, leaving me to wonder what my life will look like in the next few months or even weeks. I dread the quietness, the change and above all, the ominous loneliness that comes along with living in a small community as this. Each one of us here feels like a part of a family, a dysfunctional one no matter but a part of something close and we bonded in the time we are here. I always say it's a bunch of misfits put together. I learnt to care and look after my friends and they do the same for me. I would be rotten if I say I didn't. They've made my life here ever more pleasant and comfortable when I first stepped off the UN flight, all new and bright-eyed.

Which brings me to the fact that no matter how fulfilling this industry or job is, it'll never be the same without the very souls around it. The ones who helped you, who listened to your whining and complaints, and your heartbreaking stories. So many things we've shared - family photos, cooking dinner, hiking out in the mountains, roaming about town looking for what-nots and so on. Professionally and socially.

I envy people whose lives are normal in many parts of the world - finish work, meet friend, go to the cinemas and so forth. Lives I sometimes now think is foreign to me but secretly yearn. People like to say that our lives as development workers are exciting, seeing different things and doing our small part for humanity. Many people get into this for very different reasons. For me, after almost 4.5 years away from normality of what I used to have is perhaps taking its toll. Of course others in my industry might feel otherwise. I'm only speaking of my own experiences.

If this was anywhere else in a developed place, I might be less saddened tonight but I'm in Kadugli, almost in the middle of nowhere and every other day and week, someone is going out for good and I'll probably never see their faces again or for a very long time. That makes all the difference of why being out here is sometimes heart wrenching. Here, these friends of mine gave me a life and showed me what it means to truly care about the other. If I've learnt nothing else out here, that much I have.

Elections in Southern Kordofan

Southern Kordofan, where I am based, is awaiting the results of its recently concluded elections Both sides has claimed victory. The ruling party of the north, the NCP is represented by the state's incumbent governor, Ahmed Haroun, who is infamously wanted by the ICC for crimes allegedly committed in Darfur. His opponent is the present deputy Governor, Abdul Aziz Al-Hilu, of the SPLM/SPLA (dominant party of the south).

Situated along the north-south undefined border, Southern Kordofan is a strategic spot. It sits on oilfields, have been the battle ground of years of conflict, its neighbours Darfur and Abyei (another volatile region sitting on oil and one of the Three Transitional Areas awaiting its referendum). The Three Transitional Areas (Blue Nile state, Southern Kordofan and Abyei) were tricky negotiating points of the CPA.

For many years, the people of the Nuba Mountains/SK fought alongside the southerners in the war with the north. War in the Nuba Mountains has killed tens of thousands although much of it unrecorded due to Khartoum blockade of the region (sealed off between 1991 and 1995). The Nuba were cut off from the SPLA in the south in 1991, leaving them to fight on their own and in that time suffered a three-year famine.

The CPA, which will conclude on July 9 has failed to bring satisfactory improvements and for most parts, implementation is slow or worse neglected. The aspirations of the Nuba for self-determination to protect their way of lives, religion and culture may never be realised. For a long time, the Nuba has been left to starve by the Khartoum government, sidelined by their southern counterpart and essentially forgotten by the international community.

As I sit here, waiting to hear what's going on with the elections results, I am left to wonder what fate awaits these people who has been fighting for their lands for decades. The mood has been quietly tense. It's not the same Kadugli I know when I first arrived 7 months ago. A number of my friends have left or will be leaving, some for different reasons, others unsure about what will happen next. The truth is no one knows. But this is not my fight. To predict what would happen would essentially ignore all the intricacies of the politics around here. One can only have a little faith that everything will turn out fine. A little faith.

Kadugli Hipsters

This shot was taken from a friend, HP. Love my hipster shades, sitting up on the roof and the metal bowl to the left has the best mixture of lime, sugar, mint and water (I think). Delicious evening. Kadugli, Sudan 2011

Cool cats of Kadugli

Please meet my cool cat friend and sanity pill - Nell.

                                      

Seychelles

My khawaja "wife" Nell and I recently packed ourselves off for a "honeymoon" trip to the Seychelles. We were married by a Mujahideen friend and witnessed by an America, and I did give Nell a ring (technically). We topped our "wedding" with a toast of whiskey. Sweet. We spent about a week in the Seychelles and it was absolutely gorgeous - minus the serious lack of seafood and service. But the warm waters, great weather and people we've met made up for all of it. Lovely and as we said, life couldn't get any better. Now back in the 'doog all tanned, well fed and happy as humanly can be. I think.

4 months now

I have now been in Kadugli for over 4 months. It seems a lot longer although there are days when time passes oh-so-slowly and days when you just asked what happened to time. But time is time and I don't want to sit complaining about it. 

In the 4 months that I have been here, I have learned a lot, made some very cool friends, developed a crush and definitely learned to live with myself. Learning to live with yourself part is influenced partly by a book I have been reading - 'On Solitude' by Michel de Montaigne. Perhaps one of his famous line is, 'We must reserve a back shop all our own, entirely free, in which to establish our real liberty and our principal retreat and solitude.' 

On the other aspects of life in the 'doog, I have certainly become accustomed to a routine life. I go to work, eat at the same place everyday, the same chicken leg with rice and ful, the same faces I see and beginning to enjoy and love, the same conversations and stories over and over again. Sometimes it tires me hearing folks complain about how mundane life is here (obviously it is - then again what were you expecting?) and how people love talking about work so much, which leaves me to often question how much is one's life defined by work. It's like if I take work away from you, would your personality simply ceased to exist? Hmm. Quite funny I think. 

Hiking on the Nuba Mountains, Feb 2011

Welcome 2011 - oh what year it will be...

I noted my last post was dated 10 December, almost just under 2 months ago. I am not doing too bad I think with all these writings. I am back in Kadugli now - back from holidays almost 2 weeks ago. In the times that just passed, the following occurred:

1. When I was very young (really young), I had a cousin, or a sister, more like a pseudo-sister/sibling. We'll call her H. My memories of us being together and playing are perhaps limited. I remembered she lived not too far away (in Holland Village), she was fair, I was darker, we were both quite loud as kids, and I used to sleep over a lot. There was something fun being with someone (your age) you can play with. And then we lost touch and I haven't seen her like in over 6-7 years and maybe more, who knows. Then recently she popped up! Right smack on Facebook. I was stoked (in fact over the moon!) to hear from her that it took me a while to register in my head that it was her. It's good to be back and if you are reading this, I look forward to seeing you sometime soon and catching up for real. It's a shame you live in Adelaide and I live err... in Sudan. Darn distances.

2. The worst kind of tonsilitis happened during my vacation in London, right after returning from Lisbon. Sweet Jesus, that was nasty. It didn't help that London was cold and colder still. The nasty bugger lasted a while, in fact I was pretty drugged up with painkillers during the entire vacation. After tonsilitis, there was the flu, then a sinus inflammation, followed by a toothache. I was still sick when I returned to Kadugli and was falling apart at the seams.

3. I got inked. Yes indeed. I have always wanted to do it and it took me a while to actually summon up the courage to do so. RR can attest to my wimpy projections of unimaginable pain as we walked down the streets of Brighton passing "Blue Dragon Tattoo" shop a gazillion times. I think the name did not bode well with me. Then JM - the lovely cookie from Sydney (I suspect she is a closet bogan) - whipped me up into shape and sent me to the shop in Camden (mind you, I was also heavy on painkillers from being sick). So there, I got inked. Three stars on my right forearm. I like it a lot, my mum might kill me but oh well - we'll cross the bridge when we get there.

Why 3 stars? I have no good reason yet. 

Meet the people

My last post centred pretty much on the town and general sentiments I have about K-Town. But what's a place without its people or the very faces that defined and bring it to life,eh? So I thought I'll quickly do a quick intro into the familiar faces I have come to enjoy and of whom you might hear of every so often. And I hope when these faces read this posting, they won't be too offended that I have discretely talked about them...

I am only using initials here, for respect and discretion.

NB - At 27 years old, from Newcastle, she's one smart ass chick. She works for an NGO. She probably knows the history and politics of Sudan at the back of her hand and in her sleep, she might dream of it, who knows? But she is super cool, walks around town with her hair tight up in a bun on her head and her leather sling bag - sometimes cigarettes dangling out her mouth. She likes to drink Coca Cola and taught me to mix rum and 7-up. I am glad we share the same interests in many things except men. I like her a lot having 'solidified our friendship' after being thrown into a man-made pool and I think she is pretty.

TT - A young Japanese and with an attitude to match. Often rebelious (although unintentional I imagine), TT is great company. At professional meetings, he is serious but outside, he's fun to hang out with. His head has grown bigger since he first arrived here, he cuts his own hair with help and speaks more like an American than any Japanese I know. He also speaks Arabic with a tinge of a Japanese accent, enjoys soy sauce, plays the guitar and I suspect dreams of being a member of a Latino gang.

JH - I probably see JH more than I should. He is my colleague and lives upstairs in the guesthouse. We share office space and I await a point when we actually might get sick of each other. JH is cool though. He has scar under his right eye (I haven't ask why), wears a lot of khaki, holds various nationalities, loves cats and Arsenal football team. He listens to a lot of rock and roll (I think) as he's always air-drumming in the office.

HP - Spanish, smart, tough and pretty. HP is like one cool chick I imagine myself to be in another life. Currently she's teaching me to ride a motorbike. She makes amazing dinner, has a dog call Small Man (not that small), roam around the state collecting data. We watch a fair bit of movies at her place.

Joe - In his late 50's, Joe has gone through 2 heart bypass and is still smoking and drinking like a fish. He cooks excellent dinners and owes a really cool hang out where we go to. He's Egyptian I think, loves his monkeys (Sam, Pikolo and Lulu) and 2 dogs (Sam and Diego) and various birds. He's a lonely man sometimes I think especially in the day. I think he is an interesting man and I had a great conversation with him one night under the stars.

MMS - From Afghanistan, MMS has been around K-Town for almost 4 years. He is a nice bloke, kind and extremely helpful. He likes to salsa, plays the guitar and like TT, loves an evening of karaoke and if you ask him for a favour, he's happy to help out, no questions asked.

M - Another Afghani in town. M is your hard-beaten, tough and super chilled out friend that you could really always have an evening with. At 33, his life story is perhaps the most interesting one I have ever come across in my life. He has such an easy attitude and like his fellow country man MMS, if you asked for help, he doesn't turn you down. I mean he tries to be helpful.

So these are the characters that I see around here and spend time with. Looking at it, they each fit into a story, a novel one could craft with Kadugi being the backdrop of it all.

Welcome to Kadugli

Location: Kadugli, South Kordofan State, Sudan

Dear Reader,

I am writing this to you from the comforts of my little cosy room here in Kadugli. It is Eid Adha today and tomorrow, everyone is out of town and I'm using this opportunity to catch up on reading and so forth. I have been almost 4 weeks and about 1.5 months in Sudan. Many times, I sit and wonder about the reality of my situation, of where I am and then it hits me that I am actually here in a foreign land that I had merely imagined before. Kadugli is not a big town, small, easy to navigate and the sun blasting its rays on you - a constant reminder to how hot and dry it is around here. I don't mind it so much until I was hit by conjuncvitis (blurry vision, discomfort and photophobia) but that is by far the minor inconveniences of living here. I have never lived in a small town, not one this small. It took me a while to become accustomed to the nuances of everyday living and what it means. Each day, I am faced with the same routine - get up, go to work (which is 2 minutes away), work, lunch, work, dinner, occasional socialising with the crowd of expats here most likely at Joe's guesthouse, movies, reading and sleep. The next day I probably do it all over again.

The first thing I worry about is the boredom - what else am I going to do with myself each and every day. But obviously life and the universe have a way of spinning things around. Now that I've been here a fair bit, I don't mind the routine lifestyle, the same food (barbequed chicken with rice, bread and ful) or the same company. I take joy that I have great colleagues, friendly warm souls that greet me in the morning, eat at the same few places, have the occassional drink, watch movie screenings in H's courtyard, listen to music, read my books again and again and eagerly wait for the familiar phonecall from R each night. The simplicity baffled me at first but being away from the normality of what my life is or used to be gives me this opportunity to stop and breathe and stop worrying. I enjoy each day as if it was brand new.

Since I got here, I have been amazed at my ability to get up early on weekdays (Sun - Thurs are working days), learnt to ride a motorbike, be at eased with solitude, be at eased with the various bugs in my room and so on.

The work I do is turning to be more enjoyable than expected. I am glad for the opportunity to meet with different people all working in different sectors and the opportunity to glimpse into what they do. What I do is I coordinate the work of 8 UN agencies planning and implementing interventions with the aim of preventing conflict and enhance peace building efforts around the 1956 borders. South Kordofan state is a rather interesting place to be right now with all that is coming up. Voter registration starts yesterday and I can see the excitement in N (my new sanity pill) as she goes on and on about it. While I don't see much excitement in watching and observing people register (I likened it to watching paint slowly dry), I envy her work and am happy for her. She gets to see a lot more of the state and the very people who will bring change come January 2011.

I went on my very first mission earlier last week with our partnering agencies to Al Buram, not too far away from Kadugli. There's something beautiful to mud huts, barren landscape and hills in the background all tinged with history waiting to be told to the unsuspecting visitor. As we passed by a landmark, a colleague, Ibrahim would tell me what used to there. In one village called Al Dar, I sat around with a bunch of women, not understanding a word. We were discussing female genital mutilation and early marriages. Girls get married as young as 12 and between 6 and 8 years old, they are circumcised. For an untold many, the entire vagina is cut out. What this means is the girl, who barely is in puberty starts having problems right as soon as she is married off - penetration, delivery and post- delivery and so on.

All I could think of was the blue sky above me in all its glory and the hardened faces in front me and wondering how and why the universe had forgotten about them. The faces never left me and to this day, I can picture who was sitting where and the colour of their scarfs fluttering about. I can remember the face of the little boy who sat near me, his legs covered in open sores and flies picking at it every few seconds and how his sister keeps flicking it away.

In another village called Shatt Alsofia, somebody asked me my name. I said it and she told me, "In Arabic, this means guiding light". Guiding light - I never knew that but I like it. I smiled and gave her my thanks. Her name is Hanan and she is 18 years old. She also gave a beaded necklace (apparently for luck) which now hangs on my wall.

This is the start of my life and small adventures in Kadugli. What you will likely read here are my thoughts and the things I have come across. There is enough politics for you to read out there and this blog can neither be arsed nor interested to get involved in political debates. I leave that to the professionals. It doesn't mean I don't care or utterly uninterested. It's not my story to tell what ought to be, how things should be settled or who's right and wrong. There's enough sources out there that you can call on. What you will get here are just the little stories of my life here as I go about each day, marvelling at the new things I have seen and discovered.

Welcome to my world, welcome to Kadugli.

Next location: Kadugli , Sudan

After almost 3 months of waiting in anticipation for my Sudanese visa, I am finally finally going! The day I heard the news, I jumped for joy and because I was in Bremen by myself, I couldn't shout out so I updated my Facebook status, my gchat status and my Skype status. Nothing could take away me from my excitement and nothing will. So come Sunday 10 October I will board the flight that will take me to Khartoum and I imagine the first thing that will hit me upon arrival will be the prickly tropical heat - oh how I miss that!

If you haven't been reading your news, it's time to do so. If you haven't been interested in Africa, well, it's a good time to get acquainted. Come January 2011, a referendum on self-determination will be held to decide on Sudan North-South border and as such become the world's latest international boundary. The South definitely would vote for independence while the North will likely try its best to desperately hold on to a united Sudan. This should be a defining moment in Africa and would be one to watch. The line that separates the North and South remains undefined at the moment and has delayed the implementation of the 2005 2Comprehensive Peace Agreement (CPA) that ended almost 22 years of civil war. With anxiety building up on both sides coupled with mistrust between both parties, it will be important obviously that the signatory parties be urged to maintain peace and ensure that he country do not relapse into conflict.

To know more, visit the following links:
International Crisis Group http://www.crisisgroup.org/en/regions/africa/horn-of-africa/sudan.aspx
UNDP Sudan http://www.sd.undp.org/

WHERE TO NEXT?

Where do broken hearts go? Well, in my case to Kadugli, South Kordofan State in Sudan. Taking a contract working on community recovery and rehabilitation. Awaiting the long long visa process right now.

I miss you Salone

Since I left Salone, I realised with all my heart that I missed it. I mean I was after all there for 2 years right straight out of graduate school. And so, I asked myself today what is it about it that I really missed? I know past postings have shown that I do have some grumbles about living in Salone (I am after all from Singapore so excuse me on that note sometimes).

And I thought the biggest thing I missed about Salone are the memories and the faces I have come to know and love and the very people whose lives have affected mine in small and varied ways. If they are reading this, I want them to know that they are indeed special and will always be. Here are some snapshots of the faces and fun I'm going to miss for a long time...

Random party nights is always fun

Dancing butt cheek to butt cheek as demonstrated by Nick and Eri

Costume parties

My loyal friend and side-kick Joe

Nights at The Office

Dressing up in similar T-shirts

The 129th B-days for Eri, Yui and Natsuko

Conversations about the female body with pregnant Eri

My colleagues at UNDP - Natsuko and David

Goodbye Salone, Hello World.

My last weekend in Sierra Leone and the girls came by for a pajama night with food, drinks and plenty to doll ourselves with! Beautiful!

 

Natsuko (R) is always striking some random pose, Eri (L) all glowing and pregnant.

Reiko (L), the indispensable intern and Aleks (R), our newest addition to the office

and... your latest Freetown Kabuki players.