creating new days

I noted my last entry was in Feb 2009 and it is now July 2009. Almost 5 months have passed. In that time, I started working with an international organisation, somedays I slaved myself over with important duties, sometimes mediocre tasks, others I spend it rather leisurely. There are days I am proud doing what I do and I want to do more. But lately, I have become less motivated, and I am itching to be somewhere else, anywhere. I long for days of no obligations, of sunshine, breeze through my hair, open blue skies, my lover next to me and we sipping wine. We would not have to say anything. In the silence, everything is being said and nothing could go wrong.

Come August, it will be 2 years in Sierra Leone and it gives me a nauseous feeling, that I actually have been living here in that 2 years.. it's such a surreal feeling that I find it difficult to express what it all really means to me. Somedays I understood nothing my of existence here. I keep wanting to be somewhere else, where I will come alive. It could possibly be some inner inhibitions that keeps me from living it out here. But I am anxious and ready to leave. To a new and different future. One where I can spend days in creation of something more and bigger than myself perhaps.