When you work in development, you will come across so many terms/words/phrases to the point where after a while becomes part of your daily standard vocabulary. The development world is certainly infamous for coming up with the new jargons. These are some of the words/terms we use and sometimes we know they mean absolutely nothing and everything. I confessed I used them every so often that I have lost most respect for its meaning and I keep telling myself I falling down into a deep deep hole...
1) capacity building - seriously, this phrase is overused and overused. It means everything and yet sometimes I feel it really encapsulates nothing. The standard definition used by UNDP goes something like creating an enabling environment with appropriate policies and institutional framework ... inclusion of women and community participation... and that it recognises that this is a continuous long-term process. Each time I read this definition, I giggled because I imagined someone at UNDP must have spent a lot of time crafting this together.
2) beneficiaries - hmm, I cringed at this word. Having worked on donor reporting, I suspect donors love that term. It makes it look as though people in poor country are mere recipients of aid/development whatever else. Seriously let's stop being so arrogant.
3) empowerment - I never really quite understood the use of this word or how I ought to use it. If I give you a sewing machine so you can make crafts and clothes to earn a living and thus improve your life, was that an act of empowement? That could have been called a handout too, no? Or if I give you the opportunity to express your concerns and thoughts, is that empowerment? That was just creating the space so they can safely express themselves, no? Hmm.. you see, this terms baffles me a fair bit and will likely continue to do so.
4) Asia/Africa - I am Asian, actually, let me correct that. I am South East Asian and that is quite different from someone from East Asia. Just because we all eat rice in that part of the world doesn't mean we are all homogenous. Afghans do consider themselves as Asians and yet they are different from someone say from Timor Leste. The same with Africa. Benin is not Somalia and Kenya is not Congo. Seriously Africa is not one country. It's also seriously annoying when you don't read the news and still believe that there is a civil war going on in Sierra Leone and arms and legs are still being hacked off or that Darfur equates Sudan. Come on.
Friday, 10 December 2010
Monday, 6 December 2010
Turning older again
Today, well in a few minutes I will turn 29. I don't how I ought to feel about it because it doesn't bother me that much - just a number factor and being me with my size and what I call my sometimes whiny voice, I don't pass off as more then 22 (some have pushed it down further thinking that I am perhaps only 19, fresh wide-eyed girl braving the world for the first time). So what happened to me this year that would warrant a new chapter? I thought I come up with 29 things/events/anything-else that happened this year, to this day that have brought me to where I am right now but that would be very silly. Instead I came up with some of the things that have clearly affected me in one way of another. In random order obviously.
Living in cold, wintery Beijing across the magnificient Russian embassy. Learning Chinese - difficult and almost painful. Going through a necessary medical procedure on my own. London summer with friends, sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Going to Marrakesh for the second time and nearly getting into a fight with a man who jabbed me at my waist. Sleeping in the parks in the middle of the afternoon in Madrid and drinking wine and going to topless pools with friends basking in the sun. Breaking up - very impressive performance from my part. Waiting 3 months for my visa to Sudan. Moving to Kadugli and its pre-departure excitement
Spending New Year's alone in Seoul, where snow just keeps on falling and falling. Meeting people I haven't seen for ages. Building a life in Kadugli (and still is). Thrown into a pool in the first week in Kadugli and slowly falling in love with the Nuba Mountains. A new found love for old-school hip hop. Literally living out a suitcase
As I am writing this, the clock strucks 12 and so here I am - 29 years old, sitting in my room and Manu Chao singing 'Desaparecido' in the background. It's going to be fantastic year ahead. I can feel it in my fingers. You know when you get the tingle?
Living in cold, wintery Beijing across the magnificient Russian embassy. Learning Chinese - difficult and almost painful. Going through a necessary medical procedure on my own. London summer with friends, sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Going to Marrakesh for the second time and nearly getting into a fight with a man who jabbed me at my waist. Sleeping in the parks in the middle of the afternoon in Madrid and drinking wine and going to topless pools with friends basking in the sun. Breaking up - very impressive performance from my part. Waiting 3 months for my visa to Sudan. Moving to Kadugli and its pre-departure excitement
Spending New Year's alone in Seoul, where snow just keeps on falling and falling. Meeting people I haven't seen for ages. Building a life in Kadugli (and still is). Thrown into a pool in the first week in Kadugli and slowly falling in love with the Nuba Mountains. A new found love for old-school hip hop. Literally living out a suitcase
As I am writing this, the clock strucks 12 and so here I am - 29 years old, sitting in my room and Manu Chao singing 'Desaparecido' in the background. It's going to be fantastic year ahead. I can feel it in my fingers. You know when you get the tingle?
Friday, 19 November 2010
How do we solve the poverty problem?
I was doing some research on sustainable technology. You know solar lantern lamps, life straws and mosquito nets - Anyway I was browsing and came upon this site: http://www0.gsb.columbia.edu/students/organizations/sec/summerfellows/features_eapen.html
Now don't get me wrong. It is good news to hear more MBA students from one of the Ivy Leagues coming out and wanting to make a difference and becoming socially concious in the work they intend to do. What puzzles me was a few things namely: why do we make stories and glorified a few when really so many thousands out there are working their ass off day in and out already doing it. I don't have an MBA, many of my friends working in the field don't have one. Does that make us less valuable in what we do? Because we don't count numbers or bring in powerful proven technologies into a community, does it mean we contribute less? Because we address social and political concerns associated with poverty - where does that leave us? I didn't think one needs to pursue an MBA in an effort to be socially conscious. I might have been naive when I did my graduate studies.
In relation to the article, can someone really tell me what Jeff Sachs and the Millenium Villages Project have really achieved with all that aid money being poured in (seriously the MVPs are not new at all and its impact have been questioned). Hmm. Sometimes we treat poverty as if it was a technical problem, we unscrew the parts, buy new parts, fix it up with new technology and voila - done. We forget that at the crux of it all, there are messy and often complex social, economical and political conditions attached to it which cannot be easily resolved by new discoveries in engineering or technology.
I tell you what I didn't like in the article: "Now is the time for forward- thinking people like Sachs, who can combine pop culture with economic development to reach the most people, both of those benefitted and the investors. And the time for emerging leaders like Eapen, who can combine two disparate degrees into socially conscious and impactful action, the kind which will lead the way to progress in the 21st century."
It smacks of big city first world arrogance.
Now don't get me wrong. It is good news to hear more MBA students from one of the Ivy Leagues coming out and wanting to make a difference and becoming socially concious in the work they intend to do. What puzzles me was a few things namely: why do we make stories and glorified a few when really so many thousands out there are working their ass off day in and out already doing it. I don't have an MBA, many of my friends working in the field don't have one. Does that make us less valuable in what we do? Because we don't count numbers or bring in powerful proven technologies into a community, does it mean we contribute less? Because we address social and political concerns associated with poverty - where does that leave us? I didn't think one needs to pursue an MBA in an effort to be socially conscious. I might have been naive when I did my graduate studies.
In relation to the article, can someone really tell me what Jeff Sachs and the Millenium Villages Project have really achieved with all that aid money being poured in (seriously the MVPs are not new at all and its impact have been questioned). Hmm. Sometimes we treat poverty as if it was a technical problem, we unscrew the parts, buy new parts, fix it up with new technology and voila - done. We forget that at the crux of it all, there are messy and often complex social, economical and political conditions attached to it which cannot be easily resolved by new discoveries in engineering or technology.
I tell you what I didn't like in the article: "Now is the time for forward- thinking people like Sachs, who can combine pop culture with economic development to reach the most people, both of those benefitted and the investors. And the time for emerging leaders like Eapen, who can combine two disparate degrees into socially conscious and impactful action, the kind which will lead the way to progress in the 21st century."
It smacks of big city first world arrogance.
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Meet the people
My last post centred pretty much on the town and general sentiments I have about K-Town. But what's a place without its people or the very faces that defined and bring it to life,eh? So I thought I'll quickly do a quick intro into the familiar faces I have come to enjoy and of whom you might hear of every so often. And I hope when these faces read this posting, they won't be too offended that I have discretely talked about them...
I am only using initials here, for respect and discretion.
NB - At 27 years old, from Newcastle, she's one smart ass chick. She works for an NGO. She probably knows the history and politics of Sudan at the back of her hand and in her sleep, she might dream of it, who knows? But she is super cool, walks around town with her hair tight up in a bun on her head and her leather sling bag - sometimes cigarettes dangling out her mouth. She likes to drink Coca Cola and taught me to mix rum and 7-up. I am glad we share the same interests in many things except men. I like her a lot having 'solidified our friendship' after being thrown into a man-made pool and I think she is pretty.
TT - A young Japanese and with an attitude to match. Often rebelious (although unintentional I imagine), TT is great company. At professional meetings, he is serious but outside, he's fun to hang out with. His head has grown bigger since he first arrived here, he cuts his own hair with help and speaks more like an American than any Japanese I know. He also speaks Arabic with a tinge of a Japanese accent, enjoys soy sauce, plays the guitar and I suspect dreams of being a member of a Latino gang.
JH - I probably see JH more than I should. He is my colleague and lives upstairs in the guesthouse. We share office space and I await a point when we actually might get sick of each other. JH is cool though. He has scar under his right eye (I haven't ask why), wears a lot of khaki, holds various nationalities, loves cats and Arsenal football team. He listens to a lot of rock and roll (I think) as he's always air-drumming in the office.
HP - Spanish, smart, tough and pretty. HP is like one cool chick I imagine myself to be in another life. Currently she's teaching me to ride a motorbike. She makes amazing dinner, has a dog call Small Man (not that small), roam around the state collecting data. We watch a fair bit of movies at her place.
Joe - In his late 50's, Joe has gone through 2 heart bypass and is still smoking and drinking like a fish. He cooks excellent dinners and owes a really cool hang out where we go to. He's Egyptian I think, loves his monkeys (Sam, Pikolo and Lulu) and 2 dogs (Sam and Diego) and various birds. He's a lonely man sometimes I think especially in the day. I think he is an interesting man and I had a great conversation with him one night under the stars.
MMS - From Afghanistan, MMS has been around K-Town for almost 4 years. He is a nice bloke, kind and extremely helpful. He likes to salsa, plays the guitar and like TT, loves an evening of karaoke and if you ask him for a favour, he's happy to help out, no questions asked.
M - Another Afghani in town. M is your hard-beaten, tough and super chilled out friend that you could really always have an evening with. At 33, his life story is perhaps the most interesting one I have ever come across in my life. He has such an easy attitude and like his fellow country man MMS, if you asked for help, he doesn't turn you down. I mean he tries to be helpful.
So these are the characters that I see around here and spend time with. Looking at it, they each fit into a story, a novel one could craft with Kadugi being the backdrop of it all.
I am only using initials here, for respect and discretion.
NB - At 27 years old, from Newcastle, she's one smart ass chick. She works for an NGO. She probably knows the history and politics of Sudan at the back of her hand and in her sleep, she might dream of it, who knows? But she is super cool, walks around town with her hair tight up in a bun on her head and her leather sling bag - sometimes cigarettes dangling out her mouth. She likes to drink Coca Cola and taught me to mix rum and 7-up. I am glad we share the same interests in many things except men. I like her a lot having 'solidified our friendship' after being thrown into a man-made pool and I think she is pretty.
TT - A young Japanese and with an attitude to match. Often rebelious (although unintentional I imagine), TT is great company. At professional meetings, he is serious but outside, he's fun to hang out with. His head has grown bigger since he first arrived here, he cuts his own hair with help and speaks more like an American than any Japanese I know. He also speaks Arabic with a tinge of a Japanese accent, enjoys soy sauce, plays the guitar and I suspect dreams of being a member of a Latino gang.
JH - I probably see JH more than I should. He is my colleague and lives upstairs in the guesthouse. We share office space and I await a point when we actually might get sick of each other. JH is cool though. He has scar under his right eye (I haven't ask why), wears a lot of khaki, holds various nationalities, loves cats and Arsenal football team. He listens to a lot of rock and roll (I think) as he's always air-drumming in the office.
HP - Spanish, smart, tough and pretty. HP is like one cool chick I imagine myself to be in another life. Currently she's teaching me to ride a motorbike. She makes amazing dinner, has a dog call Small Man (not that small), roam around the state collecting data. We watch a fair bit of movies at her place.
Joe - In his late 50's, Joe has gone through 2 heart bypass and is still smoking and drinking like a fish. He cooks excellent dinners and owes a really cool hang out where we go to. He's Egyptian I think, loves his monkeys (Sam, Pikolo and Lulu) and 2 dogs (Sam and Diego) and various birds. He's a lonely man sometimes I think especially in the day. I think he is an interesting man and I had a great conversation with him one night under the stars.
MMS - From Afghanistan, MMS has been around K-Town for almost 4 years. He is a nice bloke, kind and extremely helpful. He likes to salsa, plays the guitar and like TT, loves an evening of karaoke and if you ask him for a favour, he's happy to help out, no questions asked.
M - Another Afghani in town. M is your hard-beaten, tough and super chilled out friend that you could really always have an evening with. At 33, his life story is perhaps the most interesting one I have ever come across in my life. He has such an easy attitude and like his fellow country man MMS, if you asked for help, he doesn't turn you down. I mean he tries to be helpful.
So these are the characters that I see around here and spend time with. Looking at it, they each fit into a story, a novel one could craft with Kadugi being the backdrop of it all.
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
Welcome to Kadugli
Location: Kadugli, South Kordofan State, Sudan
Dear Reader,
I am writing this to you from the comforts of my little cosy room here in Kadugli. It is Eid Adha today and tomorrow, everyone is out of town and I'm using this opportunity to catch up on reading and so forth. I have been almost 4 weeks and about 1.5 months in Sudan. Many times, I sit and wonder about the reality of my situation, of where I am and then it hits me that I am actually here in a foreign land that I had merely imagined before. Kadugli is not a big town, small, easy to navigate and the sun blasting its rays on you - a constant reminder to how hot and dry it is around here. I don't mind it so much until I was hit by conjuncvitis (blurry vision, discomfort and photophobia) but that is by far the minor inconveniences of living here. I have never lived in a small town, not one this small. It took me a while to become accustomed to the nuances of everyday living and what it means. Each day, I am faced with the same routine - get up, go to work (which is 2 minutes away), work, lunch, work, dinner, occasional socialising with the crowd of expats here most likely at Joe's guesthouse, movies, reading and sleep. The next day I probably do it all over again.
The first thing I worry about is the boredom - what else am I going to do with myself each and every day. But obviously life and the universe have a way of spinning things around. Now that I've been here a fair bit, I don't mind the routine lifestyle, the same food (barbequed chicken with rice, bread and ful) or the same company. I take joy that I have great colleagues, friendly warm souls that greet me in the morning, eat at the same few places, have the occassional drink, watch movie screenings in H's courtyard, listen to music, read my books again and again and eagerly wait for the familiar phonecall from R each night. The simplicity baffled me at first but being away from the normality of what my life is or used to be gives me this opportunity to stop and breathe and stop worrying. I enjoy each day as if it was brand new.
Since I got here, I have been amazed at my ability to get up early on weekdays (Sun - Thurs are working days), learnt to ride a motorbike, be at eased with solitude, be at eased with the various bugs in my room and so on.
The work I do is turning to be more enjoyable than expected. I am glad for the opportunity to meet with different people all working in different sectors and the opportunity to glimpse into what they do. What I do is I coordinate the work of 8 UN agencies planning and implementing interventions with the aim of preventing conflict and enhance peace building efforts around the 1956 borders. South Kordofan state is a rather interesting place to be right now with all that is coming up. Voter registration starts yesterday and I can see the excitement in N (my new sanity pill) as she goes on and on about it. While I don't see much excitement in watching and observing people register (I likened it to watching paint slowly dry), I envy her work and am happy for her. She gets to see a lot more of the state and the very people who will bring change come January 2011.
I went on my very first mission earlier last week with our partnering agencies to Al Buram, not too far away from Kadugli. There's something beautiful to mud huts, barren landscape and hills in the background all tinged with history waiting to be told to the unsuspecting visitor. As we passed by a landmark, a colleague, Ibrahim would tell me what used to there. In one village called Al Dar, I sat around with a bunch of women, not understanding a word. We were discussing female genital mutilation and early marriages. Girls get married as young as 12 and between 6 and 8 years old, they are circumcised. For an untold many, the entire vagina is cut out. What this means is the girl, who barely is in puberty starts having problems right as soon as she is married off - penetration, delivery and post- delivery and so on.
All I could think of was the blue sky above me in all its glory and the hardened faces in front me and wondering how and why the universe had forgotten about them. The faces never left me and to this day, I can picture who was sitting where and the colour of their scarfs fluttering about. I can remember the face of the little boy who sat near me, his legs covered in open sores and flies picking at it every few seconds and how his sister keeps flicking it away.
In another village called Shatt Alsofia, somebody asked me my name. I said it and she told me, "In Arabic, this means guiding light". Guiding light - I never knew that but I like it. I smiled and gave her my thanks. Her name is Hanan and she is 18 years old. She also gave a beaded necklace (apparently for luck) which now hangs on my wall.
This is the start of my life and small adventures in Kadugli. What you will likely read here are my thoughts and the things I have come across. There is enough politics for you to read out there and this blog can neither be arsed nor interested to get involved in political debates. I leave that to the professionals. It doesn't mean I don't care or utterly uninterested. It's not my story to tell what ought to be, how things should be settled or who's right and wrong. There's enough sources out there that you can call on. What you will get here are just the little stories of my life here as I go about each day, marvelling at the new things I have seen and discovered.
Welcome to my world, welcome to Kadugli.
Dear Reader,
I am writing this to you from the comforts of my little cosy room here in Kadugli. It is Eid Adha today and tomorrow, everyone is out of town and I'm using this opportunity to catch up on reading and so forth. I have been almost 4 weeks and about 1.5 months in Sudan. Many times, I sit and wonder about the reality of my situation, of where I am and then it hits me that I am actually here in a foreign land that I had merely imagined before. Kadugli is not a big town, small, easy to navigate and the sun blasting its rays on you - a constant reminder to how hot and dry it is around here. I don't mind it so much until I was hit by conjuncvitis (blurry vision, discomfort and photophobia) but that is by far the minor inconveniences of living here. I have never lived in a small town, not one this small. It took me a while to become accustomed to the nuances of everyday living and what it means. Each day, I am faced with the same routine - get up, go to work (which is 2 minutes away), work, lunch, work, dinner, occasional socialising with the crowd of expats here most likely at Joe's guesthouse, movies, reading and sleep. The next day I probably do it all over again.
The first thing I worry about is the boredom - what else am I going to do with myself each and every day. But obviously life and the universe have a way of spinning things around. Now that I've been here a fair bit, I don't mind the routine lifestyle, the same food (barbequed chicken with rice, bread and ful) or the same company. I take joy that I have great colleagues, friendly warm souls that greet me in the morning, eat at the same few places, have the occassional drink, watch movie screenings in H's courtyard, listen to music, read my books again and again and eagerly wait for the familiar phonecall from R each night. The simplicity baffled me at first but being away from the normality of what my life is or used to be gives me this opportunity to stop and breathe and stop worrying. I enjoy each day as if it was brand new.
Since I got here, I have been amazed at my ability to get up early on weekdays (Sun - Thurs are working days), learnt to ride a motorbike, be at eased with solitude, be at eased with the various bugs in my room and so on.
The work I do is turning to be more enjoyable than expected. I am glad for the opportunity to meet with different people all working in different sectors and the opportunity to glimpse into what they do. What I do is I coordinate the work of 8 UN agencies planning and implementing interventions with the aim of preventing conflict and enhance peace building efforts around the 1956 borders. South Kordofan state is a rather interesting place to be right now with all that is coming up. Voter registration starts yesterday and I can see the excitement in N (my new sanity pill) as she goes on and on about it. While I don't see much excitement in watching and observing people register (I likened it to watching paint slowly dry), I envy her work and am happy for her. She gets to see a lot more of the state and the very people who will bring change come January 2011.
I went on my very first mission earlier last week with our partnering agencies to Al Buram, not too far away from Kadugli. There's something beautiful to mud huts, barren landscape and hills in the background all tinged with history waiting to be told to the unsuspecting visitor. As we passed by a landmark, a colleague, Ibrahim would tell me what used to there. In one village called Al Dar, I sat around with a bunch of women, not understanding a word. We were discussing female genital mutilation and early marriages. Girls get married as young as 12 and between 6 and 8 years old, they are circumcised. For an untold many, the entire vagina is cut out. What this means is the girl, who barely is in puberty starts having problems right as soon as she is married off - penetration, delivery and post- delivery and so on.
All I could think of was the blue sky above me in all its glory and the hardened faces in front me and wondering how and why the universe had forgotten about them. The faces never left me and to this day, I can picture who was sitting where and the colour of their scarfs fluttering about. I can remember the face of the little boy who sat near me, his legs covered in open sores and flies picking at it every few seconds and how his sister keeps flicking it away.
In another village called Shatt Alsofia, somebody asked me my name. I said it and she told me, "In Arabic, this means guiding light". Guiding light - I never knew that but I like it. I smiled and gave her my thanks. Her name is Hanan and she is 18 years old. She also gave a beaded necklace (apparently for luck) which now hangs on my wall.
This is the start of my life and small adventures in Kadugli. What you will likely read here are my thoughts and the things I have come across. There is enough politics for you to read out there and this blog can neither be arsed nor interested to get involved in political debates. I leave that to the professionals. It doesn't mean I don't care or utterly uninterested. It's not my story to tell what ought to be, how things should be settled or who's right and wrong. There's enough sources out there that you can call on. What you will get here are just the little stories of my life here as I go about each day, marvelling at the new things I have seen and discovered.
Welcome to my world, welcome to Kadugli.
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Invisible Children
I like watching films more than once. It helps me refresh my memories and more often than as a personal pleasure, I get to relive what sentimental ideals I have in life. So earlier, I watched this documentary called Invisible Children
http://blog.invisiblechildren.com/2010/11/a-message-to-president-obama-from-the-lra-victims/
Watch this video - about the abducted children of Northern Uganda and their message to Obama
http://blog.invisiblechildren.com/2010/11/a-message-to-president-obama-from-the-lra-victims/
Watch this video - about the abducted children of Northern Uganda and their message to Obama
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Currently reading and flicking... The Art of Travel
Having read How Proust Can Change Your Life, The Consolations of Philosophy and Essays in Love, I can officially say I am quite a fan of Alain De Botton's writings. So when I found The Art of Travel on a local charity store in West Hampstead in London, I bought it - it was a second hand copy and was only 99p. It would be foolish of me to not buy it. As an avid traveller (long term mover as I do not really settled in one place necessarily), I was very excited to go through the book and see what further philosophical insights he might add. But I was somewhat disappointed at the passionless manner he talks about the wonders of travel. His grasp of chosen writers/painters/artists and other notable people like Edward Hopper (who is featured a fair bit in his other bookst) is excellent for a novice art-reader like myself. But de Botton's seemingly less-than-excited attitude towards the joys of what travel is was perhaps less impressive. He started the book with his complaints about his vacation to Barbados - forgetting to tell a colleagues he is away, the one-sided swaying palm trees, the petty argument about creme caramel and so on and then questioned how in spite of being in a very exotic location, he is still plague by the same old woes. His answer was: we do not understand or know very well the art of travel. We are constantly bombarded by travel agents, brochures on where to go but not always why and how to.
I have travelled a fair bit in my life and have never once took myself to a travel agent (I certainly have encouraged anyone I know to do same). I don't believe that there is necessarily an art of travel i.e. how and why to. I mean, we all travel for very different reasons but it would be unwise to generalize why we travel I think (although this what he attempts to do). What I think is missing in this book and which I think is perhaps the most fundamental issue that should have been better discussed is - the faces and people you meet while on travels. Sure I can go to Rome and visit the sights like all the things tourists do and I might have a good time but I reckon if I wander the streets and have no set plans, I might end up finding a gem, a restaurant hidden in a hole, people whose lives differ from mine and more often that not, beautiful stories waiting to be untold. I believe people make places. Places come to life because of the very faces and people that make up its environment. Being able to fly into different countries doesn't quite mean we travelled. It only means we have arrived and the journey into discovery begins. He says, 'what we find exotic abroad may be what we hunger for in vain at home... the pleasure we derive from journeys is perhaps dependent more on the mindset with which we travel than on the destination we travel to.'
I am not sure about this but I can only say from my own experience. Travel has brought me perspective with which I understand the world around me. I still don't know a lot of things or understand the complexities of the world we live in today. I am constantly hungry for more. But I rather move from my comfort chair and see for myself what the world and exotic corners have to offer rather than observing it through media-tinted glasses and the observations of one man (or in this case, the experiences of some expert observers).
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Next location: Kadugli , Sudan
After almost 3 months of waiting in anticipation for my Sudanese visa, I am finally finally going! The day I heard the news, I jumped for joy and because I was in Bremen by myself, I couldn't shout out so I updated my Facebook status, my gchat status and my Skype status. Nothing could take away me from my excitement and nothing will. So come Sunday 10 October I will board the flight that will take me to Khartoum and I imagine the first thing that will hit me upon arrival will be the prickly tropical heat - oh how I miss that!
If you haven't been reading your news, it's time to do so. If you haven't been interested in Africa, well, it's a good time to get acquainted. Come January 2011, a referendum on self-determination will be held to decide on Sudan North-South border and as such become the world's latest international boundary. The South definitely would vote for independence while the North will likely try its best to desperately hold on to a united Sudan. This should be a defining moment in Africa and would be one to watch. The line that separates the North and South remains undefined at the moment and has delayed the implementation of the 2005 2Comprehensive Peace Agreement (CPA) that ended almost 22 years of civil war. With anxiety building up on both sides coupled with mistrust between both parties, it will be important obviously that the signatory parties be urged to maintain peace and ensure that he country do not relapse into conflict.
To know more, visit the following links:
International Crisis Group http://www.crisisgroup.org/en/regions/africa/horn-of-africa/sudan.aspx
UNDP Sudan http://www.sd.undp.org/
If you haven't been reading your news, it's time to do so. If you haven't been interested in Africa, well, it's a good time to get acquainted. Come January 2011, a referendum on self-determination will be held to decide on Sudan North-South border and as such become the world's latest international boundary. The South definitely would vote for independence while the North will likely try its best to desperately hold on to a united Sudan. This should be a defining moment in Africa and would be one to watch. The line that separates the North and South remains undefined at the moment and has delayed the implementation of the 2005 2Comprehensive Peace Agreement (CPA) that ended almost 22 years of civil war. With anxiety building up on both sides coupled with mistrust between both parties, it will be important obviously that the signatory parties be urged to maintain peace and ensure that he country do not relapse into conflict.
To know more, visit the following links:
International Crisis Group http://www.crisisgroup.org/en/regions/africa/horn-of-africa/sudan.aspx
UNDP Sudan http://www.sd.undp.org/
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
Monday, 9 August 2010
WHERE TO NEXT?
Where do broken hearts go? Well, in my case to Kadugli, South Kordofan State in Sudan. Taking a contract working on community recovery and rehabilitation. Awaiting the long long visa process right now.
Monday, 2 August 2010
A note of thanks to the ones I love
When you read this post, I am no longer living in China. I have left Beijing in early July without much consideration or thought. I only know it was time to go and I had to go. The past few months have been an unbelievable journey of epic proportions, at least in my view. It was harder than I imagined it would be and most of all, I truly understand now what it means to be alone and lonely. The man I was and perhaps still in love with left me with nothing more to say. Nothing but just bucket loads of pain and sorrow. I am human and I need explanations to understand what's going on. But I had none. What I write here is not about to be a rant or anger or pain towards him or what happened. I have accepted the situation and whatever it means, I will learn to live with it everyday. Importantly, I will be all right.He will be all right. We are both okay.
People fall in love and people split up and the cycle keeps its wheels turning over and over again. It is life, isn't it? Khalil Gibran taught me that very same thing that gives us joy are often the very same things that brings us pain. The last thing I want to be is bitterness. In the past few weeks, when friends and acquaintances heard about what happened, they have always reacted with a rather sad, sorry-but you-will-get-over-it look which I found rather amusing. It seems that there are certain appropriate behaviours that comes along with a broken heart. To shout and yell, to go get wasted with your girlfriends, to sob until the cows come home and so on. I did nothing of that sort and at first it makes me feel really strange. These are social norms and I supposed I ought to react as expected and then everyone will then fall into their respective roles and life goes on as it should.
I couldn't and right now, I can safely say with all the confidence in my heart that I am glad I behaved and did it the way I wanted it to be. Some may say it is perhaps not healthy to repress the anger and sadness. Whatever. To me, it is important to feel and understand it but who's to say what's the best way to deal with it.
I wrote this note not with the intention to discuss or even reflect upon what happened. That will happen at some point I guess. BUT I wrote this because in view of what happened, something else happened too. In my quiet grief, I found the unexpected. I found and discovered back the family and friends I had and what they really really mean to me. New friends that stood by me and reminded me of my own strength, old familiar faces that opened their homes and hearts with so much generosity and warmth and family that remained true to their word. I could not have gone through the days without them. NO, I couldn't. From the very little gestures, cigarette rolling, phone calls, emails, skype dates, gchat to nice lil cards, and dinner to all-the-best-Salone-music CD. I had it and it felt GOOD: I felt for the first time in a LONG time, I felt things are going to be better and I am going to be just fine. I hope they know they mean a lot to me. Everyone of them. I am humbled by their kindness and will forever be in debt. I take this opportunity to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
People fall in love and people split up and the cycle keeps its wheels turning over and over again. It is life, isn't it? Khalil Gibran taught me that very same thing that gives us joy are often the very same things that brings us pain. The last thing I want to be is bitterness. In the past few weeks, when friends and acquaintances heard about what happened, they have always reacted with a rather sad, sorry-but you-will-get-over-it look which I found rather amusing. It seems that there are certain appropriate behaviours that comes along with a broken heart. To shout and yell, to go get wasted with your girlfriends, to sob until the cows come home and so on. I did nothing of that sort and at first it makes me feel really strange. These are social norms and I supposed I ought to react as expected and then everyone will then fall into their respective roles and life goes on as it should.
I couldn't and right now, I can safely say with all the confidence in my heart that I am glad I behaved and did it the way I wanted it to be. Some may say it is perhaps not healthy to repress the anger and sadness. Whatever. To me, it is important to feel and understand it but who's to say what's the best way to deal with it.
I wrote this note not with the intention to discuss or even reflect upon what happened. That will happen at some point I guess. BUT I wrote this because in view of what happened, something else happened too. In my quiet grief, I found the unexpected. I found and discovered back the family and friends I had and what they really really mean to me. New friends that stood by me and reminded me of my own strength, old familiar faces that opened their homes and hearts with so much generosity and warmth and family that remained true to their word. I could not have gone through the days without them. NO, I couldn't. From the very little gestures, cigarette rolling, phone calls, emails, skype dates, gchat to nice lil cards, and dinner to all-the-best-Salone-music CD. I had it and it felt GOOD: I felt for the first time in a LONG time, I felt things are going to be better and I am going to be just fine. I hope they know they mean a lot to me. Everyone of them. I am humbled by their kindness and will forever be in debt. I take this opportunity to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Stay in touch, post on my Wall
I confessed. When I have time on the internet, I spent a bit more time than I should browsing through the profiles of people I know (or don't know) on Facebook. Most times, I do it to check on what people I know have been up to, which isn't exactly an ideal way of keeping in touch. For most parts, I don't care for more than let's say 10 friends out of my 360 "friends" on FB. And I think that's the way with a LOT of people.
Now, you asked: what is the fucking problem you have? It's not really a problem, just that I am a little disturbed by how social network sites like Facebook, Twitter (do we really want to know what someone is doing at this time and this hour and what's happening later in 2 hours? do we really?), Mutiply among others creates this illusion of a reality that encourages and deceives people to believe that this is an OK way to stay in touch. That it is ALRIGHT and ACCEPTABLE to stay in touch by wall posting. Or throw silly virtual gifts at you. Or whatever application that comes along. Sadly, sometimes I feel like I am one of these millions who do believe that it is fine to stay in touch with people you care via FB wall postings and pokes. I stopped short at that though and absolutely have no patience with those who bombard my account with requests to come join them on fucking Farmville or Mafia Wars.
I am grateful for the fact that there are means to stay in touch no matter where you are and by whatever means, even if it means posting 'Hello' on FB. But I also know how superficial this is. There is no depth beyond that. It's a mere 'hello' and many times it feels cold and far. Lately, I asked a friend whom I know fairly well why I haven't heard from him and he replied that it's a bit hard to stay in touch since I don't get access to FB now that I live in China. Yes, I live behind the Great Firewall but not say... Timbuktu. I don't think that registered very well with him though. Then I thought to myself, what was I expecting? An email perhaps. Even then emails are a touch-and-go, a veneer of intimacy. Nothing more to that. Nothing real to that.
Obviously the way we live today is different. Before we write long letters and snail mail. Today we email. Or sms. Or twitter. Today it is only a click away. Just a click away. Click. The beauty of that click. The simplicity that comes along with it.
But I often miss the sentimental value of writing that letter, when care is taken to express what is being felt. Of having that piece of paper in my hand, the smell of ink and the thoughts that traced the words along with it. I often wander aloud what it would be like when I grow old and to have yellowed dusty notes and letters all tied in a bundle sitting on my lap. It is indeed a very romanticised picture but why shouldn't it be?
This is not a anti-FB rant. I often thought about the things that could have been and perhaps missed them too much. Today I feel like I missed being in touch with real people. People I care about. It is a simple, clear feeling. A feeling of intimacy and closeness. One that I won't quite get by sitting behind the screen and clicking away.
Now, you asked: what is the fucking problem you have? It's not really a problem, just that I am a little disturbed by how social network sites like Facebook, Twitter (do we really want to know what someone is doing at this time and this hour and what's happening later in 2 hours? do we really?), Mutiply among others creates this illusion of a reality that encourages and deceives people to believe that this is an OK way to stay in touch. That it is ALRIGHT and ACCEPTABLE to stay in touch by wall posting. Or throw silly virtual gifts at you. Or whatever application that comes along. Sadly, sometimes I feel like I am one of these millions who do believe that it is fine to stay in touch with people you care via FB wall postings and pokes. I stopped short at that though and absolutely have no patience with those who bombard my account with requests to come join them on fucking Farmville or Mafia Wars.
I am grateful for the fact that there are means to stay in touch no matter where you are and by whatever means, even if it means posting 'Hello' on FB. But I also know how superficial this is. There is no depth beyond that. It's a mere 'hello' and many times it feels cold and far. Lately, I asked a friend whom I know fairly well why I haven't heard from him and he replied that it's a bit hard to stay in touch since I don't get access to FB now that I live in China. Yes, I live behind the Great Firewall but not say... Timbuktu. I don't think that registered very well with him though. Then I thought to myself, what was I expecting? An email perhaps. Even then emails are a touch-and-go, a veneer of intimacy. Nothing more to that. Nothing real to that.
Obviously the way we live today is different. Before we write long letters and snail mail. Today we email. Or sms. Or twitter. Today it is only a click away. Just a click away. Click. The beauty of that click. The simplicity that comes along with it.
But I often miss the sentimental value of writing that letter, when care is taken to express what is being felt. Of having that piece of paper in my hand, the smell of ink and the thoughts that traced the words along with it. I often wander aloud what it would be like when I grow old and to have yellowed dusty notes and letters all tied in a bundle sitting on my lap. It is indeed a very romanticised picture but why shouldn't it be?
This is not a anti-FB rant. I often thought about the things that could have been and perhaps missed them too much. Today I feel like I missed being in touch with real people. People I care about. It is a simple, clear feeling. A feeling of intimacy and closeness. One that I won't quite get by sitting behind the screen and clicking away.
Thursday, 14 January 2010
Googling in China
Now that I am living in Beijing, and having Facebook, blogspot, twitter and many other sites blocked, I take it quite seriously when Google threatened to shut down its operations in China. Google claimed that hackers were trying to hack into the Gmail accounts of Chinese human rights activists although this attack was not entirely successful. Such an intrusion is clearly not acceptable no matter what the circumstances. And in some ways I applaud Google in its efforts to not be evil. Having said that, Google is a profit making entity and presently has lost a lot of market share to Baidu, a Chinese company with close association to the government. All this of course presents an interesting point of perspective to the other side of the Google story ("Soul Searching" here might prove to be an interesting read).
Of course the Chinese government will not give in to Google's demands. But it will be interesting to see how this develops although for one thing, I am confident that Google will never be allowed to run freely without due censorship in a heavily restrictive climate such as China. I don't agree with China's censorship policies but I cannot find it in me to simply accept that Google's intention to quit China has any moral undertones to it as argued by some.
Of course the Chinese government will not give in to Google's demands. But it will be interesting to see how this develops although for one thing, I am confident that Google will never be allowed to run freely without due censorship in a heavily restrictive climate such as China. I don't agree with China's censorship policies but I cannot find it in me to simply accept that Google's intention to quit China has any moral undertones to it as argued by some.
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