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As I get older, a lot of things changed. I no longer have patience for time when in fact I should. I don't understand why people get so excited about new movies, fashion or latest gossip. It's different when I was younger. I was braver, riskier and sometime relish the desire to be in some sort of trouble.

Now it's different. I used to think travelling solo was enjoyable, not so the case now. I get annoyed at the hawkers trying to sell my their wares, I hate queues, I dislike other tourists, I secretly think they are nothing but one bunch of ignorant fools and above all I get irritated at not being able to share and swap stories and grievances.

As I get older, loneliness suddenly seem scary. I yearn for company, even with the strangest of soul. I yearn for easy chatter in the early hours of morning and yet when they go off tangent, I get irritable under my skin.

And yet the more I seek company, the more obstinate I become in isolating myself from the troubles of the everyday, preferring my own solitude and its quietness. The paradox of all these continues to baffle me. Sometimes perhaps I over thought these things.

The more I live, the more I ought to have learnt, which means I should be wiser and yet I am not. It's strange sometimes. I used to presume getting older means I understand the world better but I haven't and I'm still lost. I have no clue how to solve poverty or cure AIDS. There are days when my heart is empty of empathy.

Perhaps this is what it is - this is what it means to get older and be alive. There will be lost possibilities and things and events I cannot changed no matter how hard I tried. No way of changing the world or people. Just a way of accepting it. It's not resignation or accepting defeat but perhaps a means of coping and understanding why life turns out this way - bad or good.

This is what I think. We gained and we lose some along the way. We fall and we get hurt and then we get up again. The things we treasure so tightly sometimes are snatched under our noses and it hurts. We fall in love and it's not enough, we patched our hearts back and we move along, hoping. We trust and it's broken. We hurt other people unknowingly and we damaged them. We cry and there's no one to wipe our tears. We carry on our lives in silence and solitude.